Welcome to episode 66, where we discuss what to do when you have a real ass-hat of a client.

Ever had a client who was a nasty piece of work?

Call them what you like—ass-hat, a**hole, jerk (insert your go-to descriptor)! The way their behaviour can make you feel is all the same! Damn awful!!

It can take an emotional toll and make you wish you never started a graphic design business in the first place.

When a client relationship goes sour it’s hard not to take it personally. After all, often we designers are beautiful sensitive souls (we say this with much love and affection). It’s our sensitivity that makes us designer super heroes.

That very fact that we can empathise and relate to our clients and create insightful and aligned solutions is a direct result of this sensitivity. We like to claim it and celebrate this aspect of ourselves.

But the unfortunate truth is, if you have a business that serves actual people, every now and again you’re going to run into a mean human. A bad egg. A nasty piece of work.

In this episode we are not claiming to have all the answers. But we’re here to offer solidarity if you’re going through this. You are definitely not alone.

We’ve had clients who have perplexed us entirely.

It all starts quite innocently. They love your work, you have great first meetings, they are likeable, possibly even magnetic and charismatic. We did ALL the things to protect ourselves.

We had implemented all the systems to screen people, such as:

– A comprehensive briefing process that filters people not aligned to us.

– Brand messaging that a**holes won’t find compelling, interesting or relatable.

– Getting paid a chunky deposit upfront (we like 50%).

– Consistent communication and great customer service right throughout the project.

And then, bam! Half way through the project, the tables turn. And we never saw it coming.

And with these ass-hats, it might not even be their fault. They may have a legitimate mental illness such as narcissistic personality disorder. Experts say that narcissism effects approximately 5% of the population. Think about that. For every 100 people, 5 you come across may have NPD (narcssistic personality disorder).

So before you give up on clients altogether because of one bad egg, examine your process and ask:

– Is there anything I could have done differently?

– Were there any red flags or warning signs?

– Is there something missing from my client onboarding process or client management process?

What can hurt the most about the nasty client experience is the extreme discomfort of the possibility that someone does not like you. That another person on the planet is not happy with your work or how the project went. And there’s very few of us who are able to brush this feeling aside.

If you’re feeling hindered by people-pleasing or worrying about what people think, here’s a great article from the “Wait Not Why” blog about letting other people’s opinions run your life.

The gist of the article is this: we evolved as part of a tribe. If the head of the tribe decided that that you were no good, then you could be banished. Your very survival was at stake.

What can we do to release this primal fear of being accepted and loved? Here’s 7 PLACES TO start to take your power back:

No. 1

When you KNOW you haven’t done anything wrong, examine where your desire to please and be liked stems from. Have you had rejection in the past?

No. 2

Acknowledge that you are angry. You have a right to be. You could tap on this using EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique. We love Brad Yates EFT videos, as he covered practically every emotional problem possible.

No. 3

Reaffirm that you are a good human with good intentions. Take a look at past testimonials and kind words from clients and see the impact you are having in people’s lives. We like to gather these in the one spot – you can call it your sunshine folder.

No. 4

Take note of how you might dim your light or avoid showing up in the future because of this. Don’t let the nasty person have this much power over you and live rent-free in your head! Try as we might, we can’t always control the outcome. Brene Brown talks about “having the courage to show up when you can’t control the outcome.” So please keep showing up.

No. 5

Forgive the a**hole. We know this is such a hard one. But forgiveness doesn’t mean you condone the behaviour or have to ever work with them again.

Maya Angelou talks about having enough courage to stand up and say, “I forgive. I’m done with it.” Maya talked about forgiveness as one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. She said “Forgive everyone. It’s not for the other person” and “It’s for your own sake…to rid yourself of that weight.”

Brene Brown also has her take on forgiveness in her New York Times best selling book ‘Rising Strong”. She says:

“To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things…when I talk of forgiveness, I mean the belief that you can come out the other side a better person.”

She also talks about when you forgive you are no longer chained to the perpetrator. You can actually move on. That’s what we want!

No. 6

Stay professional. Keep the higher ground and don’t burn any bridges. As queen Michelle Obama says, “When they go low, we go high”. You’ve got this!

No. 7

Share your experience with another designer or a design community. Which brings us to our announcement…..drum roll!

We have a new facebook group! It’s called the Design & Prosper Podcast Community. This is where you can share thoughts and ideas around what we cover in the podcast. We’d love to see you in there.

You know the old saying “A problem shared is a problem halved”. Just knowing you are not alone can help you move on and release it from circling around in your mind.

Onwards and upwards, beautiful designers! We’re here for you.

Much love,
Kris & Donna xo

Click here for full transcription.